A lot of people stay out of gardening entirely because they think they have a "black thumb." Anything they put in the ground will surely die. But the fact of the matter is even people who love gardening have things they're not very good at, and routinely fail at. So now it's time for confessions! Here's a few of the things I'm truly awful at doing when it comes to gardening.
1. Weeding. I get lazy about weeding quite a lot. The worst thing for me is grass. My gardens were all carved out of suburban dirt, and the encroaching fescue creepers are a constant source of frustration. There's really no other way to deal with them than to get down on the ground and pluck them loose from the soil. More often though, I talk myself out of it and they take over — weaving themselves through my beds and my plants until they're unstoppable. I spent about 30 minutes last weekend trying to pick fescue out from between the fragile stems of an established oregano plant. I was seeing red the whole time.
2. Strawberries. I've already told you about how mad I am at strawberries. Well, it's true. I can't coax a berry out the ground to save my life. I've tried moving plants to different locations. I've tried mulching them carefully. I've tried using blood meal to keep animals away from the berries. Nothing works for me. My son Xander does not share my strawberry prejudice, and has planted a single strawberry plant in my flower bed. I couldn't say no to him, so we'll see what happens with that plant.
3. Strawflowers. I love strawflowers, but I can't get them to survive a season for the life of me. They're these gorgeous yellow flowers that feel like they're made out of paper. Incredible plants. Just about every year I buy a few and they slowly but surely disappear. I blame my house's guttering, which sometimes clogs and dumps rainwater into my flowerbed, disturbing the flowers and drowning them. This year my gutters have been fixed and I've planted new strawflower, so we'll see how that goes.
4. Growing from seed. There's so much information you have to know about planting from seed, and so many tips and tricks. Some seeds you have to store in the fridge for a while. Some you have to soak in water. Some you have to "scarify" with a nail file or a knife. Some are best sown in winter. Some are better to start indoors using paper towels or little flats with seed starter soil. All this crap makes my head spin. What I look for is seeds you can direct sow with little extra work. I seldom try to do anything more comfortable than that, and the reason is I'm a coward. Still, I have a pretty good success rate with certain plants. Maybe I'll write more about growing from seed later, though I don't feel qualified to write about it! In the meantime I bought a lot of seeds from Atwoods, and I plan to introduce them into the community garden. Wish me luck because I'm a little scared.
5. Containers. In an Oklahoma summer, potted plants have demanding water requirements. This is where I get lazy and don't water them enough. Before long there's a lot of sticks and dead leaves poking out of hard, dry, compacted potting soil. When I do use containers these days, it's mostly to transport plants from one spot to another. I just divided a massive sage plant this weekend, and I stuck one half back in the bed and the other into an old pot. Hopefully both will survive because I want to transplant one of the halves into the PennWell community garden.
6. Tomatoes (lately). I haven't had a good tomato that I grew myself in at least two seasons and it's not for lack of trying. Rains have been scarce here in Oklahoma and I blame that for my plants' lack of performance. I also had a bad case of blossom end rot that I just couldn't combat successfully last season. That combined with the record-breaking heat and drought killed any chance that I'd make a home-grown BLT last summer. I took some solace in the fact that nobody else I knew was having any luck with tomatoes that year. But this year I'm trying again with three plants — a basic "better boy" from Riddle Plant Farm, a Brandywine Cherry and a "Royal Hillbilly" slicer strain both from Dan the Tomato Man's daughters. So. Fingers crossed.
7. Shade gardening. It's not that I don't have any shade on my property. I do. In fact, thanks to the mature trees in my neighborhood, I have quite a bit of shade. But whenever I try to grow a shade-loving plant, like say a hosta, it never works out. My silver variegated hostas that I bought a couple years back have been a total bust. I planted them in a nice dark spot that gets a little filtered sunlight during the day. One died and the other never grows to be bigger than a foot across. It can barely send up flowers. I'm pretty much just waiting for a wave of slugs to devour it whole. This year I bought some columbine after seeing them do well in the shady spots of my mom's garden. So I'm not giving up just yet.
8. Overcrowding. As you've probably gathered by now, I get carried away with gardening stuff. I'm a little overenthusiastic at times. This means I'll buy too many plants when planting time comes around, and I'll have a lot more plants than I do space in my beds. When this happens, I tend to plant my plants too close together and they wind up crowding each other out by the end of their growing cycles. This, combined with my lazy approach to weeding, has resulted in some truly messy gardens. This year I'm focusing on making sure my plants have enough room to grow on, and I've promised myself I won't let the weeds get out of control (for real this time). I also moved a few plants around to encourage good health and good performance from them — as well as to use my existing space more effectively.
I guarantee you that you will definitely see some big failures in your career as a gardener. You just will. You can try to stick with plants that are easy, but even that is no promise of success. The key thing to remember is to keep on trying. Just about every thing I just told you about, I'm still attempting to get right in my garden this year. Because I'm a stubborn moron when it comes to gardening apparently. Or just a glutton for punishment. But I think you have to be a little bit of both if you want to be good at gardening. Plus, hey, it's fun to trade war stories with your fellow gardeners, and you won't have any good ones unless you take a few risks.
So what about you guys? Tell me about some of your biggest garden failures. I've already told you mine, so don't leave me hanging. ;-)
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